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Monday, December 24, 2012


Celebrating the Prince of Peace in the Land of Guns
Posted: 12/24/2012 9:00 am, Huffington Post -- Michael Moore


After watching the deranged, delusional National Rifle Association press conference on Friday, it was clear that the Mayan prophecy had come true. Except the only world that was ending was the NRA's. Their bullying power to set gun policy in this country is over. The nation is repulsed by the massacre in Connecticut, and the signs are everywhere: a basketball coach at a post-game press conferencethe Republican Joe Scarborougha pawn shop owner in Floridaa gun buy-back program in New Jerseya singing contest show on TV, and the conservative gun-owning judge who sentenced Jared Loughner.
So here's my little bit of holiday cheer for you:
These gun massacres aren't going to end any time soon.
I'm sorry to say this. But deep down we both know it's true. That doesn't mean we shouldn't keep pushing forward -- after all, the momentum is on our side. I know all of us -- including me -- would love to see the president and Congress enact stronger gun laws. We need a ban on automatic AND semiautomatic weapons and magazine clips that hold more than 7 bullets. We need better background checks and more mental health services. We need to regulate the ammo, too.
But, friends, I would like to propose that while all of the above will certainly reduce gun deaths (ask Mayor Bloomberg -- it is virtually impossible to buy a handgun in New York City and the result is the number of murders per year has gone from 2,200 to under 400), it won't really bring about an end to these mass slayings and it will not address the core problem we have. Connecticut had one of the strongest gun laws in the country. That did nothing to prevent the murders of 20 small children on December 14th.
In fact, let's be clear about Newtown: the killer had no criminal record so he would never have shown up on a background check. All of the guns he used were legally purchased. None fit the legal description of an "assault" weapon. The killer seemed to have mental problems and his mother had him seek help, but that was worthless. As for security measures, the Sandy Hook school was locked down and buttoned up BEFORE the killer showed up that morning. Drills had been held for just such an incident. A lot of good that did.
And here's the dirty little fact none of us liberals want to discuss: The killer only ceased his slaughter when he saw that cops were swarming onto the school grounds -- i.e, the men with the guns. When he saw the guns a-coming, he stopped the bloodshed and killed himself. Guns on police officers prevented another 20 or 40 or 100 deaths from happening. Guns sometimes work. (Then again, there was an armed deputy sheriff at Columbine High School the day of that massacre and he couldn't/didn't stop it.)
I am sorry to offer this reality check on our much-needed march toward a bunch of well-intended, necessary -- but ultimately, mostly cosmetic-- changes to our gun laws. The sad facts are these: Other countries that have guns (like Canada, which has 7 million guns -- mostly hunting guns -- in their 12 million households) have a low murder rate. Kids in Japan watch the same violent movies and kids in Australia play the same violent video games (Grand Theft Auto was created by a British company; the UK had 58 gun murders last year in a nation of 63 million people). They simply don't kill each other at the rate that we do. Why is that? THAT is the question we should be exploring while we are banning and restricting guns: Who are we?
I'd like to try to answer that question.
We are a country whose leaders officially sanction and carry out acts of violence as a means to often an immoral end. We invade countries who didn't attack us. We're currently using drones in a half-dozen countries, often killing civilians.
This probably shouldn't come as a surprise to us as we are a nation founded on genocide and built on the backs of slaves. We slaughtered 600,000 of each other in a civil war. We "tamed the Wild West with a six-shooter," and we rape and beat and kill our women without mercy and at a staggering rate: every three hours a women is murdered in the USA (half the time by an ex or a current); every three minutes a woman is raped in the USA; and every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in the USA.
We belong to an illustrious group of nations that still have the death penalty (North Korea, Saudi Arabia, China, Iran). We think nothing of letting tens of thousands of our own citizens die each year because they are uninsured and thus don't see a doctor until it's too late.
Why do we do this? One theory is simply "because we can." There is a level of arrogance in the otherwise friendly American spirit, conning ourselves into believing there's something exceptional about us that separates us from all those "other" countries (there are indeed many good things about us; the same could also be said of Belgium, New Zealand, France, Germany, etc.). We think we're #1 in everything when the truth is our students are 17th in science and 25th in math, and we're 35th in life expectancy. We believe we have the greatest democracy but we have the lowest voting turnout of any western democracy. We're biggest and the bestest at everything and we demand and take what we want.
And sometimes we have to be violent m*****f*****s to get it. But if one of us goes off-message and shows the utterly psychotic nature and brutal results of violence in a Newtown or an Aurora or a Virginia Tech, then we get all "sad" and "our hearts go out to the families" and presidents promise to take "meaningful action." Well, maybe this president means it this time. He'd better. An angry mob of millions is not going to let this drop.
While we are discussing and demanding what to do, may I respectfully ask that we stop and take a look at what I believe are the three extenuating factors that may answer the question of why we Americans have more violence than most anyone else:
1. POVERTY. If there's one thing that separates us from the rest of the developed world, it's this. 50 million of our people live in poverty. One in five Americans goes hungry at some point during the year. The majority of those who aren't poor are living from paycheck to paycheck. There's no doubt this creates more crime. Middle class jobs prevent crime and violence. (If you don't believe that, ask yourself this: If your neighbor has a job and is making $50,000/year, what are the chances he's going to break into your home, shoot you and take your TV? Nil.)
2. FEAR/RACISM. We're an awfully fearful country considering that, unlike most nations, we've never been invaded. (No, 1812 wasn't an invasion. We started it.) Why on earth would we need 300 million guns in our homes? I get why the Russians might be a little spooked (over 20 million of them died in World War II). But what's our excuse? Worried that the Indians from the casino may go on the warpath? Concerned that the Canadians seem to be amassing too many Tim Horton's donut shops on both sides of the border?
No. It's because too many white people are afraid of black people. Period. The vast majority of the guns in the U.S. are sold to white people who live in the suburbs or the country. When we fantasize about being mugged or home invaded, what's the image of the perpetrator in our heads? Is it the freckled-face kid from down the street -- or is it someone who is, if not black, at least poor?
I think it would be worth it to a) do our best to eradicate poverty and re-create the middle class we used to have, and b) stop promoting the image of the black man as the boogeyman out to hurt you. Calm down, white people, and put away your guns.
3. THE "ME" SOCIETY. I think it's the every-man-for-himself ethos of this country that has put us in this mess and I believe it's been our undoing. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps! You're not my problem! This is mine!
Clearly, we are no longer our brother's and sister's keeper. You get sick and can't afford the operation? Not my problem. The bank has foreclosed on your home? Not my problem. Can't afford to go to college? Not my problem.
And yet, it all sooner or later becomes our problem, doesn't it? Take away too many safety nets and everyone starts to feel the impact. Do you want to live in that kind of society, one where you will then have a legitimate reason to be in fear? I don't.
I'm not saying it's perfect anywhere else, but I have noticed, in my travels, that other civilized countries see a national benefit to taking care of each other. Free medical care, free or low-cost college, mental health help. And I wonder -- why can't we do that? I think it's because in many other countries people see each other not as separate and alone but rather together, on the path of life, with each person existing as an integral part of the whole. And you help them when they're in need, not punish them because they've had some misfortune or bad break. I have to believe one of the reasons gun murders in other countries are so rare is because there's less of the lone wolf mentality amongst their citizens. Most are raised with a sense of connection, if not outright solidarity. And that makes it harder to kill one another.
Well, there's some food for thought as we head home for the holidays. Don't forget to say hi to your conservative brother-in-law for me. Even he will tell you that, if you can't nail a deer in three shots -- and claim you need a clip of 30 rounds -- you're not a hunter my friend, and you have no business owning a gun.
Have a wonderful Christmas or a beautiful December 25th!

Monday, December 17, 2012

Thoughts on the aftermath of Sandyhook shooting


Thoughts on the aftermath of Sandyhook shooting

We live in a violent culture in the midst of a rapidly rising tide of fear, approaching paranoia. Violence is not merely condoned but held out as virtuous. Everywhere
we look, we see television programs full of violence, movies abounding in death and destruction, and, most especially, violent video games. 

Yet, since 1961, a wide-spread consensus has held that vicarious
learning occurs from observing the modeling of aggressive behavior.
Bandura's initial research involved adult models observed by 
children with observation of the subsequent behavior in/by the children.
We appear to have massive, pervasive, and seemingly endless prompts
and cues from within our culture to behave aggressively.

If that were not enough, there have been too many repetitions of the Kitty Genovese tragedy, where a young woman was fatally attacked, yet either the attack in progress was not detected or some witnesses failed to call the police or
both.  And, there are stories floating about that report instances where
calls to 911 were unsuccessful in obtaining intervention or help. This
combination of factors may convince many people that they are not safe, 
that societal efforts to increase personal safety are ineffective, perhaps
becoming more so. Some cities in the United States have been described
as more dangerous than Afghanistan--possibly an exaggeration but still
a sobering thought.

Fear is a powerful motivator. Also, fear gives rise to hostility (even 'pre-emptive'
hostile behavior), to hatred, and stereotyping, dividing one's interpersonal 
environment into 'we' and 'they.' I suspect for some people, their sense of
vulnerability and need for protection, their fear, is THE prime motive that leads
to the purchase of a firearm. I suspect that even where fear is not the primary nor principal motive for acquiring a firearm, it may add an important impetus to the
decision to buy a gun.

I am fairly familiar with the 'shooting sports.' The safety record for formal 
competitions within the shooting sports is remarkably good, even admirable.
Formal competitions within the shooting sports are among the safest
athletic endeavors to be found, for both participants and by-standers.
I do not know of any formal form of competition in the recognized shooting
sports that require a magazine capacity of over ten rounds. No formal,
generally accepted and recognized rifle competition requires even
a ten round capacity magazine...indeed the rapid fire phases within 
rifle competition deliberately require reloading in the midst of the
rapid fire string. I seem to recall that there are some rapid fire phases
within handgun competition that do require a full ten round magazine
or at any rate one round in the chamber and nine in the magazine
permitting ten shots in all before reloading. I would add that much of the time
such competition is with (quite expensive) match pistols in calibre .22 Long Rifle.
Also, handgun rapid fire shooting could have the same sort of requirement
to reload (once) in the midst of a string as does rifle competition.

All this leads up to three conclusions: First, the increasing prevalence of gun
ownership is only one among many symptoms of growing serious problems
within our society, within our culture. I believe much of the increase is
driven by very real needs to feel safe and secure in an apparently increasingly
unsafe world. I have no ideas as to how to go about obtaining it, but I
feel that increasing social cohesion and sense of community, starting
by building smaller communities within neighborhoods, is a vital part of
increasing a sense of safety and security. Second, I can see no need for
high capacity magazines for firearms, certainly not for anything larger or more potent that a .22 rifle being used on rats at a local dump! Third, the
family of paramilitary-appearing firearms, often styled 'assault-type weapons'
are generally chambered for cartridges which have been repeatedly demonstrated as being inadequate to, even incapable of disabling a human opponent or killing a game animal humanely. Yet, there continue to be imported into the United States, or manufactured within the United States large numbers
of exactly such weapons. We certainly do not need any more imported weapons, and I suspect that we need fewer more manufactured domestically.

Congressman Charles Schumer (with whom I have often disagreed about some
of his proposals for gun laws) may have identified the key to developing
a more effective set of policies regarding firearms. Schumer suggests that those
seeking more laws start with acknowledging that there is a Second Amendment
and that the right to keep and bear arms is an individual right of which no law-abiding 'citizen can be deprived--certainly not within their domicile but also not ion the proper participation formally or informally in shooting sports. Perhaps then, we can get the participation and cooperation of people who are familiar with firearms and the and the shooting sports in designing legislation to protect the common safety and public welfare and also protecting the rights to own and to use lawfully for lawful purposes various sorts of firearms. I mention this because of now expired ban on assault weapons, which by virtue of including bayonet lugs (I don't think I have yet heard of a drive-by bayoneting) and flash suppressors led to the classification of some very fine and expensive ($2,000 and up in,1994 dollars!) rifles, designed specifically for competition, as among the banned!

As I look back on the recent angry, even vituperative rhetoric, increasingly displayed in political dialog, I am not as optimistic as I should like to be: We are a frightened, frustrated, fearful society, too often operating on the 'everyone for themselves first' policy.

Dr. Cliff Dempster, New Hampshire

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

09th Engineer Battalion (Construction)


809th Engineer Battalion (Construction)

Lineage and Honors
The 809th Engineer Battalion (Construction) was activated on 15 November 1941 at Westover Field, Massachusetts. In May 1942, it was sent to England as part of the Allied Forces being gathered for the invasion of Africa. The Battalion landed in Morocco on 7 November 1942, where it had its first experience in the construction of tactical airfields.
 The importance of Aviation Engineers became apparent in the North African campaign. The 809th Engineer Battalion (Construction) went ashore on D-Day in the Sicilian campaign.
 Sicily was followed by the invasion of Italy. The battalion continued its mission of constructing airfields.
The 809th Engineer Battalion (Construction) landed in Southern France on 15 August 1944. As the Seventh US Army moved rapidly north from Toulon and Marseilles, the battalion reconstructed airfields that had been skillfully destroyed by withdrawing German forces.
The battalion reached Germany in time to participate in the Rhineland campaign. It was there when the war ended on 7 May 1945, and was inactivated at Naples on 15 September 1945.
 The battalion was reactivated at Geiger Field, Washington, on 25 September 1946. It was assigned to the Air Force for the construction of air bases to meet the Communist threat. Units of the battalion were subsequently employed in Guam and Labrador.
When the 809th Engineer Aviation Battalion, assigned to the 417th Engineer Aviation Brigade, 931st Engineer Aviation Group, entered the Korean War on 24 September 1951 they were a SCARWAF (Special Category Army With Air Force) unit under the 5th Air Force, USAF. 
Special Category Army With Air Force
(SCARWAF)
The mission of the Company C, 809th EAB, commanded by CPT Waters, was assisting the 808th Engineer Aviation Battalion in repairing the runway at Kunsan Air Base (K-8). This runway had been built over a rice paddy and “did the wave thing” every time a truck went over it. Numerous graders and bulldozers got stuck and the 809th EAB had to dig it up and add more fill.
809th Engineer Aviation Battalion patch

Later Company C, 809th EAB moved to Anyang, South Korea (52-53) under the command of Captain Claxton Ray.
After the cessation of hostilities in Korea, the battalion moved to Guam on 17 January 1954. Its mission was to expand Anderson Air Force base for use by intercontinental aircraft.
In March 1960, Company B moved to Okinawa as the advance party for the battalion. Company C was sent to Korea in June 1960 to build missile sites. The remainder of the battalion moved to Okinawa in July. Company C rejoined them in November 1960. While on Okinawa the battalion built roads, buildings and earth work in support of the Army, Navy and Air Force. The battalion also built schools, roads and recreational facilities in support of President Eisenhower's People-to-People Program.
9th Logistical Command
In January 1962, the battalion was selected to build the Bangkok Bypass road from Chachoengsao to Kabin Buri in Thailand. The battalion’s experience in earth moving, paving and quarrying operations made it a logical choice for this large and difficult assignment.
To perform this mission, the 809th Engineer Battalion (Construction) was organized into a Headquarters and Headquarters Company, Equipment and Maintenance Company, and two construction companies; Company B and Company C.
The first of nine shiploads of men and equipment landed at Pattaya on 22 February 1962, and the last element reached Camp Charn Sinthope near Phanom Sarakam in Chachoengsao Province, Thailand, on 23 March 1962. Road construction began in April 1962.
On 15 January 1964, the 561st Engineer Company (Construction) was attached to the battalion.
On 14 July 1965, the 538th Engineer Battalion (Construction) was assigned to assist in the completion of the road.  Final paving of the road was completed on l8 February 1966. On 25 March 1966 the Bangkok Bypass road, the largest civic action project in the history of the U.S. Army, was dedicated. 
USARSUPTHAI
For their performance in the construction of this road, the 809th Engineer Battalion (Construction) and the 561st Engineer Company (Construction) were awarded a Meritorious Unit Commendation.
As soon as the Bangkok Bypass road paving was completed, Company B moved to Sattahip to begin construction of Camp Vayama, a 1000 man troop cantonment area which would eventually become part of a vast port and logistical complex.
Joined by Company C in the later part of May, construction continued. In August, the main portion of Company C was moved to Sakhon Nakhon where it built a troop cantonment area, a Special Forces camp, and a POL tank farm at Nakhom Phanom (NKP) in support of the Air Force.
Company B, augmented by a platoon from Company C and specialized equipment and personnel from Company A, continued work on, and expanded, a now bustling Camp Vayama.
On 3 January 1967, Company C returned to Phanom Sarakam to begin work on the Inland Road, a 122-kilometer, all weather highway which would connect the Port of Sattahip with the Bangkok Bypass road.
Upon its completion, the Inland Road became a vital contribution toward the further economic development of Thailand and served as an important link in the supply and communication lines between the Gulf of Siam and northeast Thailand. The battalion was deactivated 3 February 1971 at Camp Rum Chit Chai, Sakhon Nakhon, Thailand.

Meritorious Unit Commendation


Awarded to the 809th Engineer Battalion (Construction)
and the 561st Engineer Company (Construction)
Period February 1962 - February 1966

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Quote - 'positiveness'

"Every time you put something positive into the universe, the world changes.
Your kindness invites miracles to show up, not just in your world,
but in the whole world"

unknown author

Sunday, August 26, 2012

All is One by Michael Schafer



All is one,
We are part of the whole,
We are bound to each other
We are bound hand in hand
From the air to the ocean
To the rocks, the trees, the sand
We are all God’s children
So together we must strive
To seek to find the balance
That will keep us all alive
For every act there is a reaction
And every choice affects all the rest
There is nothing unimportant
Because the chain of life connects
We are all Nature’s stewards
So together we must strive
To seek to find the balance
That will allow Mother Nature to thrive
Every life touches another
Whether near or far away
So all pain and injustice
Are also ours today
We are bound heart to heart
So it’s time to be thoughtful
On how we will play our part

Vision - Wendell Berry poem

Vision

If we will have the wisdom to survive,
to stand like slow growing trees
on a ruined place, renewing, enriching it...
then a long time after we are dead
the lives our lives prepare will live
here, their houses strongly placed
upon the valley sides...
The river will run
clear, as we will never know it...
On the steeps where greed and ignorance cut down
the old forest, an old forest will stand,
its rich leaf-fall drifting on its roots.
The veins of forgotten springs will have opened.
Families will be singing in the fields...
Memory,
native to this valley, will spread over it
like a grove, and memory will grow
into legend, legend into song, song
into sacrament. The abundance of this place,
the songs of its people and its birds,
will be health and wisdom and indwelling
light. This is no paradisal dream.
Its hardship is its reality.

Wendell Berry

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

J. Charlyne Doerle @ 80! (8/21/12)



Hard to believe you’ve reached this milestone so quickly,
Why it seems like yesterday we acknowledged your 70th!

Along the way, you’ve remained solid as a rock,
Ever kind, ever diligent, ever giving of your talents and offerings.

I’ve never heard a cross word uttered from your lips,
Rather, heaps of affirming, inspiring words are dominant.

You’re known to have infused me with musical hope,
Via supportive patience and commitment to the learning process.

Your presence and efforts have kept Starting Anew a vital force,
Lending organization and leadership initiatives so constant.

One-of-a-kind you are, worthy of life’s best offerings,
While we celebrate the blessings your humanity has brought.

Happy Birthday Char, with enduring love and appreciation!

Nate

Saturday, July 28, 2012

50th High School Reunion Bio (May, 2011)

My journey from Westgate Iowa, 1961, to Petal, Mississippi, 2011, has evidenced a long and circuitous route. Chronological stops saw Iowa Falls & Ellsworth Junior College (now Community College), Minneapolis-St.Paul and Peace Corps training, followed by Los Angeles, California and Pepperdine College (now University), and employment as a Probation Officer, interrupted in 1968, when being drafted into the Army created duty stations in New Jersey, Louisiana, Virginia, Thailand and Germany. In my return to civilian life in 1972, found re-employment as a Probation Officer and graduate school @ Pepperdine, where and when a Masters Degree in Psychology in 1973 was garnered. Subsequently, I was accepted into a Doctoral scholarship program, via the Army, and reentered active duty as a student in 1974. Graduate school at United States International University (now known as Alliant University) resulted in earning a Ph.D. in Professional Psychology, followed by an internship @ Ft. Ord, CA. I completed my active duty pay-back stints @ Ft. Lewis, WA, and then Ft. Bragg, NC, where I was assigned as the Unit Psychologist of the Delta Force, a counter-terrorism assault force, with whom I accompanied during the attempted rescue mission of the Iranian hostages in 1980. In 1981, I was recruited to join an international Corporate Psychology Consulting Firm, assigned to their Cleveland, OH office. After more than two years employment, I developed my own consulting practice in 1983, remaining self-employed until retirement to Mississippi in 2004. The last ten years of self-employment marked a transition to a psychotherapy emphasis, joining the clinical practice of my second wife, Sandra, a psychologist. After eleven years of active military duty and nine years of Reserve duty, I retired as a Lieutenant Colonel, the benefits thus derived, have held me in great appreciation! Since Sandra is originally from Mississippi, and her parents in end-of-life stages, we decided to seize the opportunity to set up our retirement phase a bit earlier than expected, and hold no regrets, as the living is easy, albeit a bit hot at times, in the Deep South. Family-wise, I have a 35 year son, Jonathan, who has blessed us with a daughter-in-law, Emily, and a 2 yo grandson, August (aka Gus). I have a 37 yo step-daughter, Ariana, who has graced us with a son-inlaw, Sunil, and a 3 yo grandson, Sachin. Also, I have a 44 yo step-son, Dylan, who has blessed us additionally with a granddaughter, Samantha, age 13 and grandson, Max, age 12. Now you are in my life-loop!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hypathia of Alexandria quote


Fables should be taught as fables, myths as myths, and miracles as poetic fantasies. To teach superstitions as truths is a most terrible thing. The child mind accepts and believes them, and only through great pain and perhaps tragedy can he be in after years relieved of them.

Hypathia of Alexandria

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Khalil Gibran on Relationships

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.”


― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

Monday, July 16, 2012

Roger and Elaine by Dave Barry

On the differences between men and women... Let's say a guy named Roger is
attracted to a woman named Elaine.

He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few
nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves.
They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of
them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving
home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it
aloud:

"Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for
exactly six months?" And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it
seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it
bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our
relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of
obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of
relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space so I'd have
time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are,
moving steadily toward ... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to
keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward
marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that
level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: ... so that means it was... let's see.... February
when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer ... Whoa! I am way
overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm
reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship,
more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed
it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why
he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of
being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission
again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right.
And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold
weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a darn garbage
truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry,
too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I
feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty.
That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight
to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a
perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care
about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain
because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a
darn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ....

"Roger," Elaine says aloud. "What?" says Roger, startled. "Please don't
torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with
tears. "Maybe I should never have ... Oh my, I feel so ..." (She breaks
down, sobbing.) "What?" says Roger. "I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean,
I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight,
and there's no horse." "There's no horse?" says Roger. "You think I'm a
fool, don't you?" Elaine says. "No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the
correct answer. "It's just that ... It's that I ... I need some time,"
Elaine says. (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he
can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one
that he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches
his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says. "What way?"
says Roger. "That way about time," says Elaine. "Oh," says Roger. "Yes."
(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to
become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves
a horse. At last she speaks.) "Thank you, Roger," she says. "Thank you,"
says Roger. Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his
place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes
deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he
never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that
something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure
there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better
if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world
hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them,
and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In
painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he
said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression,
and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification.
They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe
months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored
with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of
his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did
Elaine ever own a horse?"

Colonoscopy Journal - Dave Barry

ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for
the Miami Herald.

Colonoscopy Journal:

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'

I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's
enemies..

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.

Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because
MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'

This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?

Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in theirMoviPrep.. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered
what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point..

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.

There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.

'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me..'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am
going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.

Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies...Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite
humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. Take it easy Doc.. You're boldly going where no man has gone before.

2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'

3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'

4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'

5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'

6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'

7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'

8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'

9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'

10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'

11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'

12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'

And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Nate the Great at 69 By Sandra Bender - Poem

Do I dare say it? My honey, my lover, my constant companion
is getting older.
When we met, he walked in bounds--I could not keep up.
He is slower now.
The hands that held balls of various shapes, the arms that threw them, the legs that carried them down the field
succumbed to the sting of a nest of wasps.
His ears have failed, yet he persists in seeking
the finest technology to maintain his status as the great communicator.

As his body brings challenges, his spirit blazes new trails.
He is the heart of the family tenderly nurturing our children
who ache with challenges of their own.
He listens, he consoles, he confronts, he inspires.
He has discovered his brain and delights in using it.
New ideas come to him, such as unifying differences, left and right, male and female, religious and spiritual--he appreciates all.
And did I mention cheese? Nate makes several varieties--classic mozzarella, soupy or crumbly, and always delicious.

His love is sweeter now, more reliable, less distracted.
Years have worn defenses and protections away,
leaving pure presence.
Yearning for distant lands and adventures have made way for contentment.
What will the future bring for the man with everything?

Friday, July 13, 2012

Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life

I'm a gamer, so I like to have goals. I like special missions and secret objectives. So here's my special mission for this talk: I'm going to try to increase the life span of every single person in this room by seven and a half minutes. Literally, you will live seven and half minutes longer than you would have otherwise, just because you watched this talk.
Okay, some of you are looking a little bit skeptical. That's okay, because check it out -- I have math to prove that it is possible. And it won't make a lot of sense now. I'll explain it all later, just pay attention to the number at the bottom: plus-7.68245837 minutes that will be my gift to you if I'm successful in my mission.
Now, you have a secret mission too. Your mission is to figure out how you want to spend your extra seven and a half minutes. And I think you should do something unusual with them, because these are bonus minutes. You weren't going to have them anyway.
Now, because I'm a game designer, you might be thinking to yourself, I know what she wants us to do with those minutes, she wants us to spend them playing games. Now this is a totally reasonable assumption, given that I have made quite a habit of encouraging peopleto spend more time playing games. For example, in my first TEDTalk, I did propose that we should spend 21 billion hours a week as a planet playing video games.
Now, 21 billion hours, it's a lot of time. It's so much time, in fact, that the number one unsolicited comment that I have heard from people all over the world since I gave that talk, is this: Jane, games are great and all, but on your deathbed, are you really going to wish you spent more time playing Angry Birds? This idea is so pervasive -- that games are a waste of time that we will come to regret -- that I hear it literally everywhere I go. For example, true story: Just a few weeks ago, this cab driver, upon finding out that a friend and I were in town for a game developer's conference, turned around and said -- and I quote -- "I hate games. Waste of life. Imagine getting to the end of your life and regretting all that time."
Now, I want to take this problem seriously. I mean, I want games to be a force for good in the world. I don't want gamers to regret the time they spent playing, time that I encouraged them to spend. So I have been thinking about this question a lot lately. When we're on our deathbeds, will we regret the time we spent playing games?
Now, this may surprise you, but it turns out there is actually some scientific research on this question. It's true. Hospice workers, the people who take care of us at the end of our lives, recently issued a report on the most frequently expressed regrets that people say when they are literally on their deathbeds. And that's what I want to share with you today --the top five regrets of the dying.
Number one: I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Number two: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Number three: I wish I had let myself be happier. Number four: I wish I'd had the courage to express my true self. And number five: I wish I'd lived a life true to my dreams, instead of what others expected of me.
Now, as far as I know, no one ever told one of the hospice workers, I wish I'd spent more time playing video games, but when I hear these top five regrets of the dying, I can't help but hear five deep human cravings that games actually help us fulfill.
For example, I wish I hadn't worked so hard. For many people, this means, I wish I'd spent more time with my family, with my kids when they were growing up. Well, we know that playing games together has tremendous family benefits. A recent study from Brigham Young University School of Family life reported that parents who spend more time playing video games with their kids have much stronger real-life relationships with them.
I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. Well, hundreds of millions of people use social games like FarmVille or Words With Friends to stay in daily contact with real-life friends and family. A recent study from [University of Michigan] showed that these games are incredibly powerful relationship-management tools. They help us stay connected with people in our social network that we would otherwise grow distant from, if we weren't playing games together.
I wish I'd let myself be happier. Well, here I can't help but think of the groundbreaking clinical trials recently conducted at East Carolina University that showed that online games can outperform pharmaceuticals for treating clinical anxiety and depression. Just 30 minutes of online game play a day was enough to create dramatic boosts in mood and long-term increases in happiness.
I wish I'd had the courage to express my true self. Well, avatars are a way to express our true selves, our most heroic, idealized version of who we might become. You can see that in this alter ego portrait by Robbie Cooper of a gamer with his avatar. And Stanford University has been doing research for five years now to document how playing a game with an idealized avatar changes how we think and act in real life, making us more courageous, more ambitious, more committed to our goals.
I wish I'd led a life true to my dreams, and not what others expected of me. Are games doing this yet? I'm not sure, so I've left a question mark, a Super Mario question mark. And we're going to come back to this one.
But in the mean time, perhaps you're wondering, who is this game designer to be talking to us about deathbed regrets? And it's true, I've never worked in a hospice, I've never been on my deathbed. But recently I did spend three months in bed, wanting to die. Really wanting to die.
Now let me tell you that story. It started two years ago, when I hit my head and got a concussion. Now the concussion didn't heal properly, and after 30 days I was left with symptoms like nonstop headaches, nausea, vertigo, memory loss, mental fog. My doctor told me that in order to heal my brain, I had to rest it. So I had to avoid everything that triggered my symptoms. For me that meant no reading, no writing, no video games, no work or email, no running, no alcohol, no caffeine. In other words -- and I think you see where this is going -- no reason to live.
Of course it's meant to be funny, but in all seriousness, suicidal ideation is quite commonwith traumatic brain injuries. It happens to one in three, and it happened to me. My brain started telling me, Jane, you want to die. It said, you're never going to get better. It said, the pain will never end.
And these voices became so persistent and so persuasive that I started to legitimately fear for my life, which is the time that I said to myself after 34 days -- and I will never forget this moment -- I said, I am either going to kill myself or I'm going to turn this into a game.
Now, why a game? I knew from researching the psychology of games for more than a decade that when we play a game -- and this is in the scientific literature -- we tackle tough challenges with more creativity, more determination, more optimism, and we're more likely to reach out to others for help. And I wanted to bring these gamer traits to my real-life challenge, so I created a role-playing recovery game called Jane the Concussion Slayer.
Now this became my new secret identity, and the first thing I did as a slayer was call my twin sister -- I have an identical twin sister named Kelly -- and tell her, I'm playing a game to heal my brain, and I want you to play with me. This was an easier way to ask for help.
She became my first ally in the game, my husband Kiyash joined next, and together we identified and battled the bad guys. Now this was anything that could trigger my symptomsand therefore slow down the healing process, things like bright lights and crowded spaces.We also collected and activated power-ups. This was anything I could do on even my worst day to feel just a little bit good, just a little bit productive. Things like cuddling my dog for 10 minutes, or getting out of bed and walking around the block just once.
Now the game was that simple: Adopt a secret identity, recruit your allies, battle the bad guys, activate the power-ups. But even with a game so simple, within just a couple days of starting to play, that fog of depression and anxiety went away. It just vanished. It felt like a miracle. Now it wasn't a miracle cure for the headaches or the cognitive symptoms. That lasted for more than a year, and it was the hardest year of my life by far. But even when I still had the symptoms, even while I was still in pain, I stopped suffering.
Now what happened next with the game surprised me. I put up some blog posts and videos online, explaining how to play. But not everybody has a concussion, obviously, not everyone wants to be "the slayer," so I renamed the game SuperBetter.
And soon I started hearing from people all over the world who were adopting their own secret identity, recruiting their own allies, and they were getting "super better" facing challenges like cancer and chronic pain, depression and Crohn's disease. Even people were playing it for terminal diagnoses like ALS. And I could tell from their messages and their videos that the game was helping them in the same ways that it helped me. They talked about feeling stronger and braver. They talked about feeling better understood by their friends and family. And they even talked about feeling happier, even though they were in pain, even though they were tackling the toughest challenge of their lives.
Now at the time, I'm thinking to myself, what is going on here? I mean, how could a game so trivial intervene so powerfully in such serious, and in some cases life-and-death, circumstances? I mean, if it hadn't worked for me, there's no way I would have believed it was possible. Well, it turns out there's some science here too. Some people get stronger and happier after a traumatic event. And that's what was happening to us.
The game was helping us experience what scientists call post-traumatic growth, which is not something we usually hear about. We usually hear about post-traumatic stress disorder.But scientists now know that a traumatic event doesn't doom us to suffer indefinitely.Instead, we can use it as a springboard to unleash our best qualities and lead happier lives.
Here are the top five things that people with post-traumatic growth say: My priorities have changed. I'm not afraid to do what makes me happy. I feel closer to my friends and family.I understand myself better. I know who I really am now. I have a new sense of meaning and purpose in my life. I'm better able to focus on my goals and dreams.
Now, does this sound familiar? It should, because the top five traits of post-traumatic growth are essentially the direct opposite of the top five regrets of the dying. Now this is interesting, right? It seems that somehow, a traumatic event can unlock our ability to lead a life with fewer regrets.
But how does it work? How do you get from trauma to growth? Or better yet, is there a way to get all the benefits of post-traumatic growth without the trauma, without having to hit your head in the first place? That would be good, right?
I wanted to understand the phenomenon better, so I devoured the scientific literature, and here's what I learned. There are four kinds of strength, or resilience, that contribute to post-traumatic growth, and there are scientifically validated activities that you can do every day to build up these four kinds of resilience, and you don't need a trauma to do it.
Now, I could tell you what these four types of strength are, but I'd rather you experience them firsthand. I'd rather we all start building them up together right now. So here's what we're going to do. We're going to play a quick game together. This is where you earn those seven and a half minutes of bonus life that I promised you earlier. All you have to do is successfully complete the first four SuperBetter quests. And I feel like you can do it. I have confidence in you.
So, everybody ready? This is your first quest. Here we go. Pick one: Stand up and take three steps, or make your hands into fists, raise them over your head as high as you can for five seconds. Go! All right, I like the people doing both. You are overachievers. Very good. (Laughter)
Well done, everyone. Now that is worth plus-one physical resilience, which means that your body can withstand more stress and heal itself faster. Now we know from the research that the number one thing you can do to boost your physical resilience is to not sit still. That's all it takes. Every single second that you are not sitting still, you are actively improving the health of your heart, and your lungs and brains.
Everybody ready for your next quest? I want you to snap your fingers exactly 50 times, or count backwards from 100 by seven, like this: 100, 93 ... Go!
(Snapping)
Don't give up.
(Snapping)
Don't let the people counting down from 100 interfere with your counting to 50.
(Laughter)
Nice. Wow. That's the first time I've ever seen that. Bonus physical resilience. Well done, everyone. Now that's worth plus-one mental resilience, which means you have more mental focus, more discipline, determination and willpower. We know from the scientific research that willpower actually works like a muscle. It gets stronger the more you exercise it. So tackling a tiny challenge without giving up, even one as absurd as snapping your fingers exactly 50 times or counting backwards from 100 by seven is actually a scientifically validated way to boost your willpower.
So good job. Quest number three. Pick one: Now because of the room we're in, fate's really determined this for you, but here are the two options. If you're inside, find a window and look out of it. If you're outside, find a window and look in. Or do a quick YouTube or Google image search for "baby [your favorite animal.]"
Now, you could do this on your phones, or you could just shout out some baby animals, I'm going to find some and put them on the screen for us. So, what do we want to see? Sloth, giraffe, elephant, snake. Okay, let's see what we got. Baby dolphin and baby llamas. Everybody look. Got that? Okay, one more. Baby elephant. We're clapping for that? That's amazing.
All right, now what we're just feeling there is plus-one emotional resilience, which means you have the ability to provoke powerful, positive emotions like curiosity or love, which we feel when we look at baby animals, when you need them most.
And here's a secret from the scientific literature for you. If you can manage to experience three positive emotions for every one negative emotion over the course of an hour, a day, a week, you dramatically improve your health and your ability to successfully tackle any problem you're facing. And this is called the three-to-one positive emotion ratio. It's my favorite SuperBetter trick, so keep it up.
All right, pick one, last quest: Shake someone's hand for six seconds, or send someone a quick thank you by text, email, Facebook or Twitter. Go!
(Chatting)
Looking good, looking good. Nice, nice. Keep it up. I love it! All right, everybody, that is plus-one social resilience, which means you actually get more strength from your friends,your neighbors, your family, your community. Now, a great way to boost social resilience is gratitude. Touch is even better.
Here's one more secret for you: Shaking someone's hand for six seconds dramatically raises the level of oxytocin in your bloodstream, now that's the trust hormone. That means that all of you who just shook hands are biochemically primed to like and want to help each other. This will linger during the break, so take advantage of the networking opportunities.
(Laughter)
Okay, well you have successfully completed your four quests, so let's see if I've successfully completed my mission to give you seven and a half minutes of bonus life.And here's where I get to share one more little bit of science with you. It turns out that people who regularly boost these four types of resilience -- physical, mental, emotional and social -- live 10 years longer than everyone else. So this is true. If you are regularly achieving the three-to-one positive emotion ratio, if you are never sitting still for more than an hour at a time, if you are reaching out to one person you care about every single day, if you are tackling tiny goals to boost your willpower, you will live 10 years longer than everyone else, and here's where that math I showed you earlier comes in.
So, the average life expectancy in the U.S. and the U.K. is 78.1 years, but we know from more than 1,000 peer-reviewed scientific studies that you can add 10 years of life to that by boosting your four types of resilience. So every single year that you are boosting your four types of resilience, you're actually earning .128 more years of life or 46 more days of life, or 67,298 more minutes of life, which means every single day, you are earning 184 minutes of life, or every single hour that you are boosting your four types of resilience, like we just did together, you are earning 7.68245837 more minutes of life.
Congratulations, those seven and a half minutes are all yours. You totally earned them.
(Applause)
Yeah! Awesome. Wait, wait, wait. You still have your special mission, your secret mission.How are you going to spend these seven and a half minutes of bonus life?
Well, here's my suggestion. These seven and a half bonus minutes are kind of like genie's wishes. You can use your first wish to wish for a million more wishes. Pretty clever, right?So, if you spend these seven and a half minutes today doing something that makes you happy, or that gets you physically active, or puts you in touch with someone you care about, or even just tackling a tiny challenge, you are going to boost your resilience, so you're going to earn more minutes.
And the good news is, you can keep going like that. Every hour of the day, every day of your life, all the way to your deathbed, which will now be 10 years later than it would have otherwise. And when you get there, more than likely, you will not have any of those top five regrets, because you will have built up the strength and resilience to lead a life truer to your dreams. And with 10 extra years, you might even have enough time to play a few more games.
Thank you.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Dying Gracefully

By Deborah Mitnick

My friend, “Sarah” died yesterday. I’m going to tell you about that death and how I used tapping to help Sarah and her family transition through the many stages that led up to her death. But I’m also going to insert a brief report about another death. I’m going to tell you about a client of mine who asked me to help her as her mother was dying. I’m combining these reports because of their similarities, but I see them as very different incidents.

Sarah, my friend, was 84 years old (almost as old as my Mother) and I’ve known her since I was three years old. Her daughter, “Jennifer,” was five years old when we met and we’ve been close friends for over 52 years.

Sarah had a stroke about a week ago, and although she looked at us and clearly understood what we were saying to her, she could not speak and she was paralyzed on one side of her body. She could blink her eyes and was no hope for a full recovery and that should Sarah live, she would not be able to achieve the dynamic functioning that she had enjoyed and cherished until the time of the stroke. She had a Living Will which stated that if she could not recover her full functioning and communicate with others in the manner to which she’d been accustomed, she would not want to be maintained on any life support and did not even want nutrition or hydration, should the prognosis for full recovery be poor.

I stayed with Sarah and her family almost night and day during this past week. Sarah’s son and daughter-in-law, “Charles” and “Linda,” as well as her daughter, Jennifer, were at Sarah’s bedside even more than I was.

As some of you know, I’ve always loved to work in crisis situations, in critical incident situations, and that I specialize in trauma, grief, and bereavement issues, among other things. I have a specialty in working with anticipatory grief situations and I know how to negotiate hospital systems and arrange it so that hospital personnel get things done in a timely fashion.

But Sarah is my friend and I was grieving for her. And Jennifer, Charles, and Linda are my friends and my heart was aching for them. So, I really wondered if I could be objective enough to help the Family. All I knew was that I really wanted to be with them and ease any discomforts that I could. So, I spent the week helping them think through some of the decisions that have to be made to “pull the plug.” After just a few days, they finally decided to remove all of the tubes, including intravenous hydration. Sarah made this decision as easy as she could for them because of how clearly she had written her Living Will many years before. (I recommend that we all have Living Wills! The Family knew exactly what Sarah wanted and didn’t have much hesitation or guilt about doing what needed to be done.)

In spite of Sarah’s clarity in her Living Will, this was still a gut-wrenching decision for the family. There’d been a lot of crying and second-guessing going on. This Family was finding it very difficult to “let go.” They wanted to do what was best for Sarah, but they were torn with conflict and with grief about taking that ultimate step because they knew that she would die more quickly, once they had all the tubes withdrawn. And, although they wanted to respect her wishes, on some level, they weren’t ready to let her go; they weren’t ready to no longer have her physically with them.

After the decision to remove hydration was made, Jennifer told her Mom everything that was about to happen. Although Sarah couldn’t speak, she clearly understood what was being said to her and she looked immediately relieved. Jennifer told her, “It’s ok to go. We’re going to remove the tubes and respect your wishes. We’ll be ok.” The Family decided to make arrangements with Hospice to take Sarah home so that she could die in her own bed.

But still the family grieved and second-guessed and was scared of what the imminent death would look like. (I was able to prepare them for what they’d see. I also got medical “experts” to tell them what to expect as the end grew closer.)

I offered to use some tapping with Sarah and with the family, to help them with their “letting go” conflicts. Later that night, I gathered the family around Sarah and told them that I’d like to tap on Sarah and also give the Family the opportunity to talk to Sarah while I tapped. I told them that I had no idea
what the outcome would be and asked them if it would be ok with them if she began to slip away, even before she got home to her own bed.

I told them that I’d had one other experience with tapping with a dying woman. In that case, the daughter of the woman was my client. “Mary” told me that her Mom had been in a coma for weeks and that the result was inevitable. She said it was torture to watch her Mother being agitated and in pain while in her light coma, but “Mom couldn’t let go” because Mary still wanted her Mom to “stay here” and “take care” of her." She said, “I’m not ready for Mom to die.”

After a phone session of EFT, Mary felt more ready. During that session, we tapped for, “Even though I’m not ready for Mom to die…,” “Even though I will miss her…,” “Even though I’ll have to take care of her cats now…,” “Even though it’s hard to let her go….”

And, as some of you know, I usually tap on one side for the “challenge” and on the other side for the “choice,” so I had Mary tapping for the above statements on the right side of the body, but we alternated with tapping on the left side of the body for the choice statements of, “Choosing forgiveness and peace...,” “Being open to choosing for her to let go now…”

I asked Mary if she’d be open to the possibility of tapping on her Mom,even though Mom was in a coma. (Since Mary and I totally believe that those in comas can still hear us talking to them, Mary was in enthusiastic agreement about this!) We discussed the types of things she could tap for on her Mom, while speaking for her Mom. “Even though it’s hard for you to let go because you think I still need you here…,” “Even though you’re worried about who will take care of your cats…,” “Even though it’s difficult to say goodbye, you want to deeply and completely accept yourself. You want to know that I am ok with this and that I will take care of your cats. And I will. It’s ok with me if you go in peace, when the time is right for you.”

A few days later, Mary left me a voice mail message: “I’m calling to let you know that my Mom passed on, but thanks to you, it was so peaceful and so amazing. I’ll need to tell you more in detail when we speak at our next session, but basically what I did is…I put on her favorite music; I sang and danced; I talked to her about good old memories. I did some tapping on her hand as I was talking. I kept things kind of light. When we went to give her the medication, she had some pain and gave a moan. We'd heard
nothing from her for two days. I tapped on her eyebrows and we went through all the tapping points you taught me. I told her ‘I want you to know, Mom that we (the kids) are all at peace. Whenever you feel it's right, it's ok to pass. We're ok.’ And with that, Deborah, she opened up her eyes from the coma. She looked around. I said, ‘Yes, it's ok. Go toward the light and be with your son and your husband, and everyone else who has passed on.’ We were all talking and singing with her. Whoever was talking to her,
Mom’s eyes looked directly at that person. My friend sang a prayer song. After the song, Mom looked content and took her last breath. It was so beautiful; it was so amazing. I owe it all to you, Deborah. I wouldn't have had the strength without your support. Even my husband said he couldn’t believe how strong I was. I couldn't have done it without you. I'd love to talk to you one day this week and prepare myself for the funeral. Thank you.”

Now that I’ve set the stage, I’ll tell you more about Sarah and her Family.

So, with my friends, I told them I couldn’t possibly know what would happen
next. I just had confidence that Sarah would hear us; that we could ease
her passage; and she would transition when the time was right for her. (I
was also thinking about Gary’s tutorial on “Borrowing Benefits” and I
assumed that the Family would achieve their own positive benefits [and
maybe even some peace] as I focused all of my attention and tapping on
Sarah.) I started tapping on her hand and then on all of the meridian points
that I could reach. “Even though you’re not quite ready to go, you want to
deeply and completely accept yourself. And even though you’re worried
about how people will manage without you, it’s ok. They are here with you
now and want you to know that they will be fine. They want you to know
that if they have any emotional problems, that Deborah will be able to help
them through that.”

I then invited the Family members to speak to her in turn. They all told her
that it was ok to transition, when she was ready and that and that they’d be
fine. They invited her to look toward the Light and see that her husband
and parents were waiting to welcome her and to ease her transition. They
told her to keep watch over them and that they would always feel her
spiritual presence. (I asked her to say hello to my Father for me! Sarah and
my Father had been very good friends.)

I then told her that if there was anyone she was still waiting to say goodbye
to, it was ok and that she had done the best she could in saying her
goodbyes. I also told her that each member of the Family wanted to ask
her forgiveness for anything that they may have done that had offended
her, that they had only done the best that they could at the time, given their
resources and their history. I then told her that we knew that she wanted
forgiveness for anything she had done that may have offended others, and
that we lovingly forgave her because we knew that she had also done the
best that she could given her history and her resources.

The entire time that the Family members talked to her, I was tapping on
her. We all cried, but we were crying, not just tears of grief, but of
celebration and of readiness to accept what needed to be accepted. We
told her that we’d be taking her home to her own bed and that she could
wait for that, or pass gently even before that.

For over 30 minutes, I tapped on Sarah while the Family talked with her
and assured her that they were fine. We sang songs of comfort to her.
When the Family members indicated they were complete, we stopped
tapping. They all said that it was a beautiful and comforting experience and
that they felt totally complete. We cried and hugged and celebrated a
beautiful and moving experience.

When we looked at Sarah again, her breathing had calmed down. Her color
had pinked up. Her brow was no longer furrowed and her wrinkles were
smoother. She was resting comfortably.

When we took her home, we put her in her own bed and continued to sing
to her, play her favorite classical music cassettes, and assure her that she
could transition when the time was right for her. We talked about Family
that hadn’t yet arrived from out of town and how they’d sent their blessings
for her to transition without needing to wait for them, because they felt
complete in their own goodbyes with her.

A few hours later, Jennifer and I were alone with Sarah. Jennifer had more
she wanted to say to her Mom and she took the time to say everything in
her heart. And then I tapped on Sarah again. Very gently, Sarah’s
breathing quieted. And a few hours later, we saw her Life Force leave her
body in the most gentle and quiet and peaceful manner.

____________________

I don’t feel a need to add much personal summary here. I feel honored to
have been a participant and also a facilitator for this Family that I love so
much. I feel blessed to have known Sarah at her most vibrant and I feel
blessed to have been with her as she gently died.

My life is enhanced because I knew this beautiful woman.

Deborah Mitnick, LCSW-C