By Nate Bender
11/7/2013
The year was 1979. I was 36 years old, and
had completed all the requirements in being awarded a Ph.D., including
dissertation and intensive internship. Two years into functioning as
an Army Psychologist, stationed at Fort Lewis, Washington, my spirit became
deflated. I started questioning my chosen career, whether I was in
the right niche and whether I was in the right organizational
structure. I refer to those dark days of my development as a form of
post-traumatic stress, as the rigors of academic study were behind me and the
realities of being a psychologist had a chance to be tested. Something
was not right. My body, mind and spirit,
collectively, revealed an imbalance; my energy levels were diminished, I was
becoming short tempered and life outside the military seemed as unappealing as
life within its structure. While not a
fully formed conclusion at that time, I needed a more compatible, a more non-traditional
forum in which to apply my talents and abilities.
Unknown to me, answers to my evolving needs were in
the making, as decision makers in the Pentagon and the Surgeon General’s Office
were considering who, among all Army Psychologists, would best fit a new,
highly sensitive, secretive, position at Fort Bragg, North
Carolina. In short order, I received orders to report to this
mysterious Unit, to be evaluated for possible assignment. The
organization was revealed to be The Delta Force, a newly formed, top secret
counter-terrorism assault force with a global mission to disengage hostage
taking terrorism incidents, which were then growing in number.
Delta personnel embraced my role as being vital to the
overall operations of the Unit, warming my spirit. This was quite a
contrast to my previous assignment where I felt relegated to a subservient role
under Psychiatry. My new role held intrigue, presenting an expanded
application of my talents, while also stretching my skills into new and different
venues. Initially, four roles were defined: evaluation of
Unit applicants in the assessment and selection phase; hostage negotiation,
including management of adversarial relationships; sounding board for
leadership team on matters of training and development; and, an undefined
interface with outside organizations such as the FBI, CIA, State Department,
DOE and city police departments. I felt like I had entered the world
from which mystery novels are formed!
Shortly after my official assignment to The Delta
Force, while on an elaborate training exercise, word was received that the
American Embassy in Tehran had been seized with a goodly number of Americans having
been taken hostage. Directives from the Pentagon had Delta to begin
preparation for an immediate rescue mission. Off to a secret site we
went, and plans were formulated to enact a rescue attempt, only to learn of a
need for additional preparation, involving other units of the military
complex.
My role during this preparation phase was vague,
offering ample time to know the Unit members/operators, live in their quarters,
and recreate with them in the local gym. Ultimately, I was sent to
spend time with the rescue-mission command element in the
Pentagon. Interestingly, I was a bearded, casually dressed Captain,
roaming the halls of the Pentagon, sitting in on a number of planning meetings,
recognized more by my role as Doc Bender than as an Army Captain!
Following my Pentagon placement role, I was sent to
another site to evaluate helicopter pilots from the Marines and
Navy. I was housed with them and flew night training missions with
them. Again, my role was vague, with no formal protocol to produce
an evaluation report. Later, I was sent to assess US military Iranians,
for inclusion in a rescue mission. Again, the parameters were not
fully defined, leaving me to report my ‘best clinical judgments.’
When President Carter gave the go for Delta to be the
lead rescue force, code named Eagle Claw, we were sent to a remote staging area
in Egypt. From this obscure place, the
complex, highly vulnerable mission was launched. I was assigned to
be part of the medical team of doctors and nurses, to be employed on a
hospital-configured Air Force C-141 cargo plane, with the mission to fly into
Tehran, once the rescue was enacted, and retrieve the hostages, wounded and
deceased.
Positioned in Bahrain, awaiting instructions, we
learned of the mission’s desert fiasco (Desert One), in which a HH-53 Marine
helicopter, loaded with a fuel bladder and Delta operators, careered into an
Air Force C-130 cargo plane, also loaded with a fuel bladder and Delta
personnel. This occurred after the mission had been aborted and extraction was
being managed. Instead of flying into Tehran, our hospital plane flew to the
island of Masirah, where we retrieved the Delta operators and wounded who were
burned in the desert debacle. To this day, I am able to
re-experience the distinct odor of burned flesh when recalling the scenario. Sadly,
the eight flight crew members who were killed, were left in the desert, as the
urgency and confusion surrounding the drama, made it impossible to retrieve
their bodies.
After all the debriefings, including a visit by
President Carter, Secretary Brown and Nat’l Security Advisor Brzezinski, and
processing of the mission, it became clear to me that I was no longer enamored
by serving as an Army psychologist in a specialized, non-traditional
role. An unexpected job offer to join an international Corporate
Psychology Consulting firm became the final link to leaving a military career,
one in which I was a mere nine years short of being vested for retirement
benefits.
What did I learn from my two-year stint with
Delta? I learned that military might does not ensure victory or
mission accomplishment. I learned that resourcing military
operations is costly, monetarily and with human casualties, and not necessarily
effective in fostering positive international relationships. I
learned that terrorism is real and not easily contained or eradicated via
military might, holding a demand for alternative intervention(s). I
learned that job security took second place to personal and professional well
being. I learned WAR IS COSTLY AND PEACE IS PRICELESS. And, I
learned my experiences enriched the next phase of my life, including restarting
my marital life in forming a union with my wife, Sandra.
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