The Kiss

By Nate Bender

6/26/2014

Our first kiss can be memorable, yes?  More memorable for me, is the kiss that launched an enduring marital relationship.  The latter is what this story seeks to capture!

So here it is, 1985, I’m about to turn 42 years of age.  I’m locked into simply surviving week-to-week, month-to-month as a self-employed single parent of a nine-year old boy, Jonathan.  Feeling supportive measures from a number of families on our street in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, I felt secure enough to test the landscape for ‘female buddies,’ likely to be divorced and hopefully open to spawning friendships.  In Cleveland Ohio, the primary forum for generating such contacts was the Cleveland Magazine, a monthly composite of area happenings and an included section for personal ads.

Over the course of the preceding year, I took occasion to scan the personal ad offerings in the magazine.  Placing my own ad seemed a bit out of bounds.  Responding to others’  allowed more discernment on my part.  Anyway, I took initiative in responding to maybe six ads spanning 1984 to early 1985.  Most of these encounters resulted in one-time introduction dates.  In the Spring of 1985 I responded to two ads in the same edition, one of which was Sandra’s, who eventually became the female buddy I was in search of!  The other ad was also from another Sandra, who had never been married, and stood more than six feet tall.  Sandra #2 was also tall, though not nearly six feet, divorced, a single parent, and educated via listing her having a Ph.D.  While Sandra #1 was pleasant and handsome, Sandra #2 ultimately possessed the more inviting potential for becoming a buddy!

Sandra #2 and I met over lunch for our initial meeting, splitting the bill equally.  It can be a challenge to develop accurate first impressions of introverts, as they tend to play their hand with a bit of undisclosed mystery!  This held true in my first encounter with Sandra.  However, one thing rang clear from the beginning….we shared a common rural back ground, she from Mississippi and I from Iowa.  Our having similar professional orientations might also be considered a plus, though I was never drawn to having a relationship with female psychologists.

Our relationship developed at a slow and safe pace, largely dictated by my own cautiousness.  Initially we engaged in early morning rendezvouses at the local high school track where we walked and talked before returning to our individual homes to launch our kids for school. 

Sandra’s introversion became less and less of a barrier and her assertiveness more evident….1^st born tend to be that way!  In short order, I found myself enrolled by her suggestion we take not one but two ball room dance classes.  This was also a safe medium and offered a chance for me to develop some form of social grace in conquering my dancing limitations. 

Then she invited me to enroll in a sailing class, learning the ins and outs of traversing the challenging waters of Lake Erie.  This class exposed me to my possessing a natural feel for sailing.  Heck, I even learned to tie a bowline knot!  Later, we became co-owners of a sailboat, but that’s another story!

Shortly after our first meeting, Sandra invited me to join a support group for divorced and widowed adults, a group she had formed under the sanctioning of her church.  This setting offered additional time to develop our connective tissues.  Eventually, Sandra invited me to co-design and lead the group with her, aptly named Starting Anew.

At one point a cross-town church hosted a Cleveland-wide social event for single adults.  Our group was invited, and since I had the status of co-leader I offered to ferry as many from our group who could fit in my Dodge Ram Charger vehicle.  The evening was well planned, marked by icebreaker activities for getting to know each other.  After the preliminaries, we moved into the church’s gym where a dance was convened.  This offered me a chance to strut my recently developed dance moves!  In short order, I was invited to the first dance by a full-bodied assertive woman who made no bones about her being comfortable pressing her body next to mine during the slow dance segment!  In due time Sandra showed up and secured me as her dance partner.

In returning to the parking lot of Sandra’s church, it was just the two of us…Alone…At night…The end of an uplifting evening…Time to bid goodnight…time for our first kiss!  What a kiss it was!  This non-verbal conveyed a message that more was to be had…that would last a lifetime!