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Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Advices from An Old Farmer

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. 
Keep skunks and bankers at a distance. 
Life is simpler when you plow around the stump. 
A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor. 
Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled. 
Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight. 
Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads. 
Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you. 
It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. 
You cannot unsay a cruel word. 
Every path has a few puddles. 
When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. 
The best sermons are lived, not preached. 
Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway. 
Don’t judge folks by their relatives. 
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
 Live a good, honorable life… 
Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time. 
Don ‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none. 
Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance. 
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’. 
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got. 
The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’. 
Always drink upstream from the herd. 
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment. 
Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in. 
If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..
Live simply. 
Love generously. 
Care deeply. 
Speak kindly. 
Leave the rest to God. 
Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you. 

Most times, it just gets down to common sense.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

20 Gentle Quotations from Mister Rogers


IMAGE CREDIT: 
GETTY IMAGES
In times of tragedy, we look to teachers for guidance and hope. I can think of no better teacher than Fred McFeely Rogers, better known to us as Mister Rogers--our friendly neighbor--for his gentle wisdom on children, humility, grief, and the specialness of every person. Many of these quotations are collected in the posthumous volume The World According to Mister Rogers, though they come from various sources, including his many television appearances.

1. ON HEROES WITHOUT CAPES

"When I was very young, most of my childhood heroes wore capes, flew through the air, or picked up buildings with one arm. They were spectacular and got a lot of attention. But as I grew, my heroes changed, so that now I can honestly say that anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 501-503).

2. ON SHARING RESPONSIBILITY

"We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say, 'It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.' Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes."
Spoken in 1994, quoted in his obituary in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

3. FROM A PSA FOLLOWING SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

If you grew up with our Neighborhood, you may remember how we sometimes talked about difficult things. There were days ... even beautiful days ... that weren't happy. In fact, there were some that were really sad.
Well, we've had a lot of days like that in our whole world. We've seen what some people do when they don't know anything else to do with their anger.
I'm convinced that when we help our children find healthy ways of dealing with their feelings--ways that don't hurt them or anyone else--we're helping to make our world a safer, better place.
I would like to tell you what I often told you when you were much younger: I like you just the way you are.
And what's more, I'm so grateful to you for helping the children in your life to know that you'll do everything you can to keep them safe and to help them express their feelings in ways that will bring healing in many different neighborhoods.
Also, regarding the anniversary of the attacks: "[Children] don't understand what an anniversary is, and if they see the tragedy replayed on television, they might think it's happening at that moment."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 596-606) and as quoted in his obituary.
Fred Rogers and Steve Wozniak

4. ON WHAT WE DO

"What matters isn't how a person's inner life finally puts together the alphabet and numbers of his outer life. What really matters is whether he uses the alphabet for the declaration of a war or the description of a sunrise--his numbers for the final count at Buchenwald or the specifics of a brand-new bridge."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 621-623).

5. ON LOOKING FOR THE HELPERS

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers--so many caring people in this world."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 645-647).

6. ON HELPING

"I hope you're proud of yourself for the times you've said 'yes,' when all it meant was extra work for you and was seemingly helpful only to somebody else."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 390-391).

7. ON PAIN

"There is no normal life that is free of pain. It's the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Location 389).

8. ON ACCEPTING OUR FEELINGS

"There's no 'should' or 'should not' when it comes to having feelings. They're part of who we are and their origins are beyond our control. When we can believe that, we may find it easier to make constructive choices about what to do with those feelings."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 131-133).

9. ON "DISABILITIES"

"Part of the problem with the word disabilities is that it immediately suggests an inability to see or hear or walk or do other things that many of us take for granted. But what of people who can't feel? Or talk about their feelings? Or manage their feelings in constructive ways? What of people who aren't able to form close and strong relationships? And people who cannot find fulfillment in their lives, or those who have lost hope, who live in disappointment and bitterness and find in life no joy, no love? These, it seems to me, are the real disabilities."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 142-146).
Koko and Mister Rogers
From Koko.org

10. ON FACING SADNESS AND ANGER

"Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness. It takes strength to acknowledge our anger, and sometimes more strength yet to curb the aggressive urges anger may bring and to channel them into nonviolent outlets. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 111-114).

11. ON LOVE

"Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Location 214).

12. ON HUMANITY'S INTRINSIC VALUE

"As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has--or ever will have--something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 463-465).

13. ON PEOPLE WE LOVE

"It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (p. 45).

14. ON AMERICAN HISTORY

"A high school student wrote to ask, 'What was the greatest event in American history?' I can't say. However, I suspect that like so many 'great' events, it was something very simple and very quiet with little or no fanfare (such as someone forgiving someone else for a deep hurt that eventually changed the course of history). The really important 'great' things are never center stage of life's dramas; they're always 'in the wings.' That's why it's so essential for us to be mindful of the humble and the deep rather than the flashy and the superficial."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 496-500).
Fred Rogers

15. ON LIFE NOT BEING CHEAP

In February of 1999, Fred Rogers was inducted into the Television Hall of Fame. This is an excerpt from his speech (emphasis added).
Fame is a four-letter word; and like tape or zoom or face or pain or life or love, what ultimately matters is what we do with it.
I feel that those of us in television are chosen to be servants. It doesn't matter what our particular job, we are chosen to help meet the deeper needs of those who watch and listen--day and night!
The conductor of the orchestra at the Hollywood Bowl grew up in a family that had little interest in music, but he often tells people he found his early inspiration from the fine musicians on television.
Last month a thirteen-year-old boy abducted an eight-year-old girl; and when people asked him why, he said he learned about it on TV. 'Something different to try,' he said. 'Life's cheap; what does it matter?'
Well, life isn't cheap. It's the greatest mystery of any millennium, and television needs to do all it can to broadcast that ... to show and tell what the good in life is all about.
But how do we make goodness attractive? By doing whatever we can do to bring courage to those whose lives move near our own--by treating our 'neighbor' at least as well as we treat ourselves and allowing that to inform everything that we produce.
Who in your life has been such a servant to you ... who has helped you love the good that grows within you? Let's just take ten seconds to think of some of those people who have loved us and wanted what was best for us in life--those who have encouraged us to become who we are tonight--just ten seconds of silence.
[Ten seconds elapse.]
No matter where they are--either here or in heaven--imagine how pleased those people must be to know that you thought of them right now.
We all have only one life to live on earth. And through television, we have the choice of encouraging others to demean this life or to cherish it in creative, imaginative ways.
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 540-558).

16. ON PEACE

"Peace means far more than the opposite of war!"
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Location 613).

17. ON SOLITUDE

"Solitude is different from loneliness, and it doesn't have to be a lonely kind of thing."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Location 158).
Mister Rogers
Getty Images

18. ON STRENGTH

"Most of us, I believe, admire strength. It's something we tend to respect in others, desire for ourselves, and wish for our children. Sometimes, though, I wonder if we confuse strength and other words--like aggression and even violence. Real strength is neither male nor female; but is, quite simply, one of the finest characteristics that any human being can possess."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Location 161).

19. ON GENERATIONS

"One of the greatest dignities of humankind is that each successive generation is invested in the welfare of each new generation."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Locations 586-587).

20. ON FORGIVENESS

"Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life's important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives."
From The World According to Mister Rogers (Kindle Location 296).
Mister Rogers with Trolley

Thursday, January 23, 2014

The Lord's Prayer (Aramaic)

The Lord's Prayer
(Aramaic)

Abwoon d'bashmaya (Our Father who art in heaven)
Creative process of the Universe/source of Sacred vibrational heart and intelligence.

Netqaddash shmak (Hallowed be they name)
Release a space to plant your presence here...May our connection thru our own breath to the Holy Breath clear the clutter within to focus us on our sacred spaciousness.

Teete malkutah (Thy Kingdom come)
Bring forth thru us now new vision and empowerment to co-create unity.

Nehvwey tzevyannach aykanna d'bashmaya aph b'arha
(Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven)
May we delight as does Sacred Unity in joining our individual purposes with communal life.

Havlan lahma d'sunqananan yaomana (Give us this day our daily bread)
Nourish with bread and practical wisdom all the inner and outer aspects of our lives for each moment’s needs.

Washbwoqlan haubvayn aykana daph hnan shbvoqan l'hayyabayn
(Forgive us our debts/trespasses as we forgive our debts/those who trespass against us)
Untie the knots of failure binding us, as we release the strands we hold of other’s faults. And help us to soften, to untie the knots of failure we bind ourselves with and to release the cords we hold of other’s faults.

Wela tahlan le'ynesyuna. Ela patzan min bisha (And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil)
Help us not to forget our Source, yet free us from not being in the Present, yet free us from being too unripe to fulfill our earthly purpose.

Metul dilakhe malkuta wahayla wateshbuhta l'ahlam almin
(For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory)

From you arises every vision, power, and song,from gathering to gathering.  For from you arises every vision, eneregy, and harmonizing song from gathering/level to fathering/level.

Ameyn (Amen) May your future actions grow from here)

Peace Corps Adventure - 1963


By Nate Bender – 1/23/2014

Pak sarzameen shad bad Kishwar-e-Haseen shad bad…” 

Blessed be the sacred land,
Happy be the bounteous realm,
Symbol of high resolve, Land of Pakistan.
Blessed be thou citadel of faith.
The Order of this Sacred Land
Is the might of the brotherhood of the people.
May the nation, the country, and the State
Shine in glory everlasting.
Blessed be the goal of our ambition.
This flag of the Crescent and the Star
Leads the way to progress and perfection,
Interpreter of our past, glory of our present,
Inspiration of our future,
Symbol of Almighty's protection.

This is the first line, in Urdu, of the Pakistani National anthem, followed by the English translation of the entire anthem.  We sang this anthem in Urdu frequently during my three month-long Peace Corps training experience. The University of Minnesota’s St. Paul campus became a memorable setting for expanding my social skills while capturing a more defined direction for my life journey. The end result, while unexpected and unsettling, touched the deepest parts of my being, in ways never before encountered. 

Holding inclinations toward discovering new facets of life, be it people, places and cultures, acceptance into the Peace Corps offered an exciting new forum for advancing these leanings.  The $75.00 a month stipend, accumulated over a two-year stint of service and paid in a lump sum at the time of completion, was immaterial.  I was also drawn to the prospect of living outside the parameters of competitive athletics, which had dominated much of my time and energies since high school.

Having completed a hitch hiking adventure to California one month previous, my Peace Corps training excursion in a major university setting, became a sort of crowning point for a years’ worth of adventure and personal growth.  During the training I celebrated my 20th birthday, marking the end of being a teenager, though still quite young.  I felt like I had entered manhood, or at least a new dimension of maturity. Not having lived in a college dormitory, or mingled with Ivy League graduates, I became more aware of my limitations and developmental needs, while seeking to adapt to the new group environment.  

When Sargent Shriver, the Peace Corps Director, came to visit with my class, I sat in awe, as it felt like he was a direct descendent of President Kennedy, not just a brother-inlaw. He projected a believable, charismatic spirit that inspired venturing into the unknowns of doing good deeds in a foreign culture.  I was turned on to live the embodied dreams!

In 1963 Pakistan was known as West Pakistan and East Pakistan.  Nowadays, it is known as simply Pakistan and Bangladesh to the east. Pakistan was not on my number one hit parade of countries to which I would have chosen to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer, as I held little or no knowledge of its existence.  Polynesian Island placement appeared to be more ideally suited!  Later I learned my rural background was viewed by placement personnel as a best fit for the agriculture-development work to be conducted there. 

The three-month training program was intense, varied and informative, stretching my brain cells along the way.  Class topics ranged from the socio-political aspects of Pakistan to diesel engine repair to water purification methods to soil enrichment to daily Urdu language immersions.  Esteemed academics and Foreign Service Officers were part of the lectures as well.  Pakistani-native faculty greatly augmented the learning process, and even facilitated the organizing of festivals, complete with cooking of native foods.  Every day, we were led in hearty physical training experiences, ranging from running, playing soccer, swimming and basketball, all directed by a gruff Eastern European who demanded effort in all areas.

Three developments around physical training stand out, one of which led to my downfall:  First, soccer became a new sporting undertaking for me, and occupied a good bit of free time. Since I was not physically suited for the positions involved in running and kicking, I naturally emerged as a goalie, a position in which I learned to excel.  Ultimately, I was chosen to play on one of the all-star teams that competed for a campus-wide trophy.  Receiving acclaim from the college level players on my team became a boost to my social standing in the class.  As much as I desired a non-athletic experience, sports played an important social role.

Secondly, one of the conditions of physical training was for everyone to be proficient swimming in the local pool.  Since I had no swimming experience, this was a big challenge.  Over time, as skills developed, pool time led to playing water polo, which can get a bit rough and tumble in its applications.  At one point while traversing the pool with the ball, I was pummeled by an opposing played and dunked under the waters’ surface.  An aggressive retaliatory response resulted from me wherein the other person was pummeled;  The observing staff viewed my reactions unfavorably and gave me a negative check mark on my proverbial report card,.

Thirdly, near the end of the three-month training period, while playing a very competitive, physical game of basketball with the training director in attendance, my physical “bump” with an opposing player resulted in his falling and breaking his arm.  I had no overt empathy and consolation, for in the heat of competition, my adrenaline was flowing full force, and at some level probably felt some form of righteous indignation.  As an after-thought, I felt unduly taunted.  Another, and final negative mark was added to my report card, and very likely confirmed my unsuitability for service. 

Final selection of class members was filled with mystery and intrigue.  Little envelopes, containing directions to a specific room, were posted on a large board.  A designated staff person then conveyed the results, Selected or Deselected.  My slip directed me to a psychiatrist, looking and acting the stereotyped role, complete with reading glasses and a pipe!  This man methodically conveyed to me that I was “deselected,” along with five others I learned later.  The bottom line was concerns about my maturity and resulting ability to function in a foreign land while under stress.  This meant I was fired, along with five others.  I had failed, profoundly!

In a state of shock, I gravitated to a young couple, Dartmouth graduates no less, and who sought to comfort me.  For the first time in my life I became overwhelmed with grief, sobbing uncontrollably. 

The following day I was escorted to the airport by a very compassionate female staff person, whose parting words still resonate within me.  “This is not the end for you.  Think of it as a new beginning, carrying the experiences with you.  You have a long life ahead of you.  Be brave.”

Returning to my family home in Iowa, humbled and disappointed, I took a few days to grieve and define the next step.  I chose to return to Los Angeles with new determination to complete my education goals. Upon arrival, I sought out a prior acquaintance, and focused on employment.  Employment became at Robinson’s Department Store, working in the Stamp Collection Department, known as serving Philatelists.  In January 1964, I returned to college at Pepperdine, which holds another story.

What was gained from this Peace Corps adventure?  The feeling of humility for one; experiencing failure on a deep level and discovering I could recover; realizing my emotional intelligence needed shoring up; and more understanding of human nature and its varied

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Sandra's Anniversary Poem

Living With Nate for 27 Years

Before we were married someone said, “Being with you is like being with a crowd.”
Perhaps I can describe some various aspects of the crowd who is you.
Keep in mind, the sum of your parts is never as great as the whole of you.

Living with you is like floating on water over a sun-dappled coral reef.
Many colorful creatures live there and I never know what will emerge next.
But if I swim in these waters often, I know this peaceful world is safe.

Living with you is like eating fried oysters with Mornay sauce and a dill pickle.
Oysters are one of the earth’s most nutritious creatures.
The fried part with Mornay sauce and dill pickle make the eating fun.

Living with you is like reading three books at one time. Literally.
You relate each book to me as passages appeal to you.
When you complete them, I have absorbed their value. My own reading languishes
.
Living with you is like reliving your life before marriage to me.
Each story is a jewel with different facets to be explored.
I never know what the light of your awareness will illuminate this time.

Living with you is like having a pornographic magazine under the bed.
Being teased with glimpses makes me curious about what is in there
But I’m not sure I want to experience the images of your imagination.

Living with you is like continuous Christmas and birthdays.
You give me everything I ask for, although I am careful about what I want.
But when I risk having more, you are there with a soul of generosity.

Living with you is like having a mother, father, and brother.
You nurture me as I need it; you lecture and cajole when I don’t want it.
You play with me—often tenderly, sometimes rough.

Living with you...I cannot express how fortunate I have been for 27 years.

From your loving wife and babe,

Sandra