Landmark Forum

Landmark Forum – Nate Bender – 10/4/2013

The year was 1986.  Five years into my post-military active duty status, and three years into my first foray into being self-employed.  I was four years post-divorce, with sole custody of my then ten year old son, Jonathan.  Also, I was into a year and half relationship with Sandra, who later became my wife.  She had a twelve-year old daughter, Ariana, and a 20 year-old step-son, Dylan, making for all sorts of complicated inter-play.  I did not hold a vision of ever being married again, as a failed marriage left unsavory residue.  However, Sandra had other visions. 

After a series of coincidental events occurred over a three month period in the Summer of 1986, I enrolled in an intensive personal development course, once called est training, and then softened into a Landmark Forum version.  After registering for the next locally held course in October, Sandra also decided to share the experience with me and registered for the same event.

It’s difficult to fully describe the Landmark Forum experience.  Structurally, it consisted of two consecutive weekends, and a following Tuesday evening session, encompassing more than a hundred people.  The days lasted from 9:00 am to mid-night and even later.  There were no breaks, save for a half-hour dinner break.  Restroom calls were had on an as-needed basis, and with ‘permission.’  Unlimited access to water was also factored in.  The methodical, well-honed process sought to uncover patterns of ineffective behavior while providing support in becoming more effective in living our lives.  Authenticity and personal integrity were held in high value.  Lots of participant sharing and direct processing with the Forum Leader ensued, offering a forum for transference and transcendence for all participants.  I sat mesmerized, and totally quiet throughout the four days, save for my interactions with Sandra.

After the first weekend, I became aware of feeling more calm, quiet and at peace in my tenuous, transitioning life.  No real big thunderbolts or revelations were evident.  Sandra was able to experience a shift in my manner, and I in hers.  During the interlude between the two weekends, I noticed a gentle surge in my work as a self-employed Organization Development Consultant, where new business was being generated, naturally and out of existing client relationships.  Something new was taking form.  After the second weekend, Sandra and I revisited the old issue of whether or not I wanted to marry again.  This time, when she asked me if I would marry her, without hesitation, I said yes. No more reservations, no more fears, no more doubts!  This level of resolve has remained constant for 27 years, so as to anchor the effect!

One additional note I’d like to make:  The past 27 years have been the best years of my entire 70 years of life.  Over these years, I have been witness to increased effectiveness in my handling a myriad of offerings in my personal and professional life.  The results have carried me with a level of skill and confidence never before realized, into new and challenging forums.  No longer am I the center of the universe and subject to being the owner of the issues and concerns others may have.  When my efforts produce ineffective results, the inherent learnings become catalysts for change and growth, rather than demoralizing setbacks.  I’m much more able to remain connected and at the same time detached!

Finally, on January 1, 1987, Sandra and I were married in Fairmount Presbyterian Church, in Cleveland Heights, OH.  The rest of this story will continue in another forum!