Growing up Lutheran - Expanded

Growing up Lutheran - expanded version

By Nate Bender – 3/21/2014

The setting for this story is rural northeast Iowa in the little village (population 250) of Westgate, circa 1944 to 1957.  Virtually all the adult residents were German immigrants or first generation offspring.  In addition, they were card-carrying Lutherans of the Missouri Synod brand. 

It was here I experienced a strident presentation of what it is to be a religious and devout Christian.  It is also the setting in which I encountered the sorrows and joys of my formative years.  In retrospect, the cumulative effect held a strong influence in shaping my adult life.

St. Peter’s Lutheran Church and its adjoining school facility (covering grades kindergarten through 8^th) was the centerpiece for socialization, learning and worship.  The school had two rooms - one for the lower grades, K through 4^th and the other for the upper grades of 5^th through 8^th.  One teacher occupied each room, with a row of desks for each grade.  Scripture readings were an every-day part of school along with hymn sing-alongs.  While I don’t remember if it was sung every day at the close of school, I still hold comforting feelings around singing “Now the day is over, night is drawing nye, shadows of the evening steal across the sky…..”

Most homes contained denominational study materials to be employed as part of mealtime activities, usually after supper.  Of course, prayers were said in unison before and after meals.  Unlike in the South, unscripted praying was not in vogue!  The mealtime ritual felt more perfunctory than spiritually enriching.  As a teen, I dreaded the ritual, as expressions of real, personal matters were kept silent.

Indoctrinations of “the Lutheran way” began early in life.  Expectations held that all of God’s little Lutheran children would grow to be devotees to the faith and conveyors of the Word to the next generation.  My parents, Erwin and Lena Bender, lacked formal education beyond grade school.  They were life long practitioners of a belief system that eschewed other denominations and religions, including Judaism.  In light of Martin Luther’s life work, Catholics and Jews were deemed destined to that after life called Hell! 

After Sunday worship services, the radio atop our kitchen refrigerator was tuned to “The Lutheran Hour, St. Louis, Missouri,” and the right Reverend Oswald Kaufman’s weekly message of hope and faith.  His resonating voice could be heard in other rooms of the house.  It appeared this service held more value for my mother than the one at St. Peter’s.

Once my school years began, exposure to the full depth and breadth of Lutheran dogma came to the forefront leaving wounds that required a goodly amount of healing later in my adult life.  In my early school years, images and stories of hell and its having eternal flames were presented with grand, vivid clarity.  It felt like I was bent on being slapped in the face by a punishing God, one who showed no mercy for those who didn’t walk the straight and narrow path of righteousness.

“The wages of sin is death” message created fears of dying and being condemned to eternal damnation.  These fears held a relentless grip on me, resulting in nightmares and night terrors. In hindsight, I was a tormented child for a period of time.  Additionally, in my later grades I developed eczema rashes over most of my body, signifying a pernicious state of anxiety.

As I grew physically the traumas surrounding my early religious exposure were assuaged through participation in sporting activities.  Playing football, basketball and softball filled my waking hours with dreams and visions of glory in other domains.  During my upper grades years, participation in an all-Lutheran school Field Day marked a special springtime outing in a distance city.  Track and field events dominated the day, with ribbons awarded the best of best Lutherans!  High jump and standing broad jump were the events in which I excelled.

 Athletic outlets carried me to a larger worldview and ultimately to college, leaving me quite removed from the constricting life in which I was raised.  Expansion of my perceptions has been a life long pursuit.