TO BE A MAN IS NOT TO BE

by Jack Marvin


My father said to me, "Be a man!"
be strong, be a leader, be brave,
work hard, earn your way, save money,
provide for others; be responsible;
don't show anger.

My mother said to me, "Be a man!"
be smarter, be good, be polite,
obey, compete, practice, be quiet,
be alone, be careful;
don't show sadness.

My teachers said to me, "Be a man!"
be punctual, be quiet, be like others,
study, pay attention, do your homework,
compete, lose, win, succeed, fail;
don't show ignorance.

My clergy said to me, "Be a man!"
be reverent, be humble, be proud,
judge, sit still, be superior,
turn the other cheek, stand up for Jesus;
don't show hatred.

My peers said to me, "Be a man!"
be one-of-the-guys, be cool, be tough,
make out and score, drink, smoke,
play ball, hang out, goof off;
don't show weakness.

My sergeant said to me, "Be a man!"
be a soldier, be strong, be brave,
be arrogant, stand straight, take orders,
be a killer, be willing to die;
don't show fear.

Father, mother, teacher, peer,
Clergy, sergeant, all that are dear,
I learned to be what you wanted of me
In order to gain acceptability.
To be a man became my goal;
I struggled and strove to create my role.
I lived to please; I lived to serve;
A covert victim of your every word.
Life, for me, became a trap
Ensnaring, confusing--a vicious map
For how to act outside of me
While filling with rage internally.

Then one night in the midst of pain
A voice whose name I could not name
Said to me,

"Be you!"

"You are a man and much, much more.
Though the ground may unharrowed
be,
In you are freedom and responsibility,
Will, worth, devil, saint,
Arrogance, humility, stout heart and
faint.
You are the gardener, the choice is
yours
Of what to grow from your abundant
stores.
IN you there is life to live creatively,
If you accept and nurture your
immensity."

Father, mother, teacher, peer,
Clergy, sergeant, all that are dear,
I am a man and much much more.
Though I did not know this before
To be just a man is lessening me;
To be a man is not to be.